Nobody Is You

Title: Nobody Is You
Pairing: KakaIru
Summary: Short written for KakaIru Formspring
Question: Does it bother you a bit or a lot when your partner has to sleep around on missions? Like kunoichi seduction work?
Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Naruto or these two would be Canon (and so would ShikaKiba)

Slipping his shoes off, Iruka dropped his bag beside the door and headed for the kitchen and living room area. "I'm home." The statement was unnecessary in that Kakashi would have both heard him and registered his presence the moment he'd arrived. He said it anyway because the house was quiet and Kakashi hadn't been at the door to greet him despite the fact that he was there. It set his nerves on end no matter how many logical explanations sprang to mind. His lover could be sleeping or something else completely unavoidable and necessary.

Sliding into the room silently Iruka discovered Kakashi quite awake and draped across the couch reading. "New book?" he asked, hoping more than a little that, that was the case.

The mop of silver hair didn't so much as twitch but the book was held up a little higher to reveal a much abused copy of Icha Icha.

"Oh." The uncomfortable feeling settled in Iruka's gut and he tried to shove the feeling away as he slipped the standard issue vest off and dropped it and the wraps from around his calves into the laundry basket. "Did you have a mission while I was away?" His hair tie was removed and dropped on the counter but he didn't walk over.

There was a long silence before the 'no' finally came and then that was all that came.

It 'was' his mission then that had Kakashi upset. He sighed, watching Kakashi turn the pages. From the new position he could see his lover had his mask on, covering the lower half of his face. Kakashi usually left it off when they were alone. Other than that one tiny little fact nothing seemed out of place and maybe that's what made it all the more dramatic. If not for 'that' fact he'd have looked relaxed with the way his lanky figure was draped casually down the length of the tan couch wearing the loose black uniform pants and nothing else.

Iruka didn't go on the missions often and hadn't really thought about it until he'd gotten this one. No, that was wrong... he'd thought about it he just hadn't wanted to and he'd wanted to talk about it even less. It had even occurred to him that Kakashi might already know about... his training and secretly he'd hoped both that he did and that he didn't. Kakashi already knowing would have meant he'd been one of the ANBU Iruka had worked with on the seduction missions which would mean not having to explain but it would also mean Kakashi had seen him... like that. The thought made him feel sick. When he'd been assigned to this mission Kakashi hadn't been back from his own mission and by the time he arrived they really hadn't had the time to discuss much of anything so Iruka had let him read the mission scroll while he packed. It had been an uncomfortable goodbye to say the least but Kakashi had kissed him and held him and he'd really thought Kakashi understood.

There were things about missions nobody liked. Things they didn't talk about after the mission was over except in the vague terms and detatched details of mission reports and debriefings. When they weren't on the mission those details were gone like they'd never happened.

Iruka wasn't ANBU, would never have the talent for it or the nerve for that matter. His 'talents' were in his charisma. People liked him, they trusted him... which made it that much worse. He preferred to avoid thinking about the fact that he'd just fucked a noble, their wife, or some other individual with the 'right' information. Iruka felt like he'd betrayed Kakashi not just because of what he'd done for the sake of the mission but because he hadn't even warned him about the possibility. Some shinobi wouldn't date somebody trained in seduction and it was easy to understand why. People edged around the subject but Iruka knew the logic, had even heard it from people who didn't know he was listening or didn't know what he did. The 'reason' was that they 'wouldn't know if the person was pretending because of some order to test them or if it was real.'

"You should have told me."

The sound of Kakashi's voice startled him. There was a definite note of anger to it and Iruka looked down and away, the guilt settling in his gut like a dead weight. His chest felt like somebody was slowly tightening restraints around it that  made it hard to breathe. "I know." Forcing himself to move, Iruka walked over and knelt beside the couch. The move was an unconscious one and if he'd taken a moment to think about it he'd have realized exactly how submissive his positioning was, how practiced it might look but the only thoughts that seemed to register was the need to be near Kakashi and the fear he was going to lose him.

Unable to look Kakashi in the eye he focused on one of the scars that stretched across the pale skin of his boyfriend's chest. His eyes traced the white line almost obsessively. "I'm sorry I kept it from you." There was a soft rustle of pages and nearly inaudible tap as the book was set down somewhere Iruka couldn't see without looking up. He guessed it was probably the end table by the way the muscles of Kakashi's chest stretched for the brief moment.

"Is this the first one you've been on since we started dating?" Kakashi asked, reaching out and forcibly turning Iruka's face toward him with one hand, the other dropping beside him.

It wasn't until that moment that Iruka realized Kakashi didn't have his headband on. He flinched slightly but didn't look away, if Kakashi wanted to know he wasn't lying he wouldn't deny him that. Not if it meant he stayed. "No. There was one other, around the third or fourth date." Iruka hadn't been certain it was going anywhere then so he hadn't said anything about it.

Kakashi's brow creased together, his jaw tightening under the mask. "How would you feel if I hadn't told you I was ANBU until right before a mission?"

Iruka opened his mouth to respond and realized Kakashi wasn't angry so much as he was hurt. It occurred to him that the sharringan being uncovered was likely more to see if he was okay than some kind of test. "I..."

"You think it's less dangerous? You carry fewer weapons, you're not at the same level as an ANBU even if you have them for backup, and you're a chunin." His voice was tight and his words clipped slightly.

The last bit dug into his pride and he stiffened slightly. "I could be a special jounin if I tested." He could in traps but it would mean giving up his position at the academy and unless the hokage made him, he wouldn't do it.

"That's not the point," Kakashi growled. "You were already packing when I got home and I didn't even hear it from you. I got to read a scroll and hold you for all of few minutes before saying goodbye."

"When you didn't come greet me I thought... you wouldn't say anything or look at me and the book and the mask and..." He'd honestly believed Kakashi was going to leave him.

Kakashi sighed, shook his head, then dropped his hand from Iruka's chin and reached over to grab his hand, twisting and pulling him up onto the couch beside him. "Iruka if I was going to leave I'd already have been gone. Think about it. If I were going would I be laying half naked on the couch reading?

Iruka shifted, settling himself more comfortably into Kakashi's arms. "I guess it sounds kind of stupid when you put it like that but... the mask... you don't wear it at home."

"I'm not usually upset or agitated at home," he explained before reaching up to pull the cloth down over his chin.

"So it's like a security blanket?" Iruka teased, smiling a little forcibly.

Kakashi chuckled softly and stole a quick kiss. "I guess that makes you my teddy bear."

It was reassuring and who could complain about being something that's cherished? He hated to ruin the mood and he didn't want to talk about it but they were and it was better to do so now than let something build up. "You're not upset though that I'm trained in seduction?"

"I won't lie it does bother me. The thought of anyone touching you..." There was no denying the possessiveness in the expression, the way Kakashi's arms tightened around him as his eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened again. Then he closed them and took a deep breath. "I will never like you going on that kind of mission but I know there's a difference between doing something because you enjoy it and doing it because it's an order." He was ANBU and the statement merely echoed that fact.

The acceptance and the fact that Kakashi really did understand made Iruka feel guilty all over again. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Kakashi smiled and kissed Iruka's forehead. "So what'd they look like?"

Iruka smiled back, a little surprised by the question. "Fat and ugly and smelly."

"Liar." The tone was teasing and he was still smiling.

"Nobody is you, Kakashi." Iruka spoke the words softly, more serious than a moment before. "It doesn't matter what they look like or if they're nice or not because they will never ever be you. They would never look like you or smell like you or taste like you or feel like you." He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Kakashi's softly. The tension in his body eased at the act. "Nobody will ever make me feel the way you do. Ever."


--End--